When all else fails, smack him over the head!
by Anavela
Summary: It's somebody's birthday, but that someone doesn't want anyone else to know. What's happens when Lorelai finds out about it?
1. Chapter 1: Drug Addict

**When all else fails, smack him over the head!!!!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, however, the voices in my head say otherwise.

AN: Okay, so if you haven't read the summary, here's what this story is about: It's someone's birthday, but that someone doesn't want anyone one else to know. Especially Lorelai. Because I'm pretty sure whenever we all think about Lorelai, one word always come to mind; Crazy. Which is how she will get after finding out about this persons birthday. Who's birthday is it? Well, I would tell you, but I really don't feel like it. Read and find out if you want to know. Although I'm guessing most of you already know who it is.

_Chapter 1: Drug Addict _

Lorelai walked into her all time most favorite diner, and plopped down on one of the stools at the counter. Luke stared at her in disbelief. "What?" She asked innocently.

"Did you seriously just drive here from Taylor's candy store(AN: Sorry, I don't know what they named that store)? The store that is located right next to where we currently are???

"Well, yeah. What did you think? That I was going to walk? 'Cause let me tell you buddy, I've been walking all day. I even had a nice little conversation with my feet this afternoon. They were all like 'so, when are you going to stop walking already?' and then I was like 'I'll stop when I'm done with everything' and then they were like 'but we're tired' and then I was like 'well sorry, life gets tiring' and then they threatened to do something really bad, and if anybody asks, it wasn't me who kicked Michele." Lorelai ranted.

"You kicked Michele?"

"No, my evil feet did? They warned me, but I just didn't listen."

"You need to see a psychiatrist or a therapist or some kind of doctor that deals with mental cases like you."

"Oh, no, silly, I'm not a mental case!" She slapped him on the arm. "I'm a drug addict! Wake up and smell the methamphetamine!"

"The scary thing about that is I can't tell if you kidding or not."

"Oh, come on. Do I look like a drug addict? And if you say yes to that question, I swear, I'm never speaking to you again."

"Is that supposed to be a threat?"

Lorelai acted offended. "Yes! Because your life would be devastating without me in it."

"Yeah, you right. I don't know what I'd do without some crazy lady coming in here every day, bugging the hell out of me, talking incredibly fast, giving me a headache, and then forgetting to leave a tip after all I've been through."

"Hey, the tip is your fault. The service here is awful. Half the time I come in here, your off serving someone else, so I have to go behind the counter and serve myself, and then you come over and yell at me and everything."

"Okay, first of all, never go behind the counter, and second of all never go behind the counter!"

"Whoa De 'ja vu!"

"No, I mean it. I keep telling you to stay in front of the counter, but for some reason, you don't understand."

"Oh, I understand. But if you don't do something about the whole service thing, I will choose to ignore it."

"Alright, fine. We'll play it that way. I'll just choose to ignore you then."

"Hey!"

Luke walked away, doing exactly what he told her he would do. Lorelai looked shocked.

"What's about my coffee???" She asked pathetically.


	2. Short term memory loss

**When all else fails, smack him over the head!!!!**

Chapter 2: Short term memory loss 

AN: This is another short chapter. I'm sorry, but I can't seem to find a lot of inspiration anymore. Plus, I just got a new puppy and she's a handful. I barely have time to do my homework with her around. But, anyways, this chapter's basically about Rory and Lorelai. I'll be getting to Lorelai and Luke later on. And hopefully, my chapters will be longer. But like I said, I'm losing inspiration, so if anyone has any ideas for this story, I would really appreciate it.

"Guess what?!" Lorelai yelled as she stepped through the front door.

"I'm busy! We can talk later!"

Ignoring her daughter's answer, Lorelai ran into Rory's room, and then jumped onto her bed. Papers went flying up, and Rory looked quite angry. "Guess what?"

"Your losing your hearing???!!!" Rory snapped.

"No, I just don't want to listen to what you have to say." She answered truthfully.

Rory heaved a sigh. "You don't listen to me, but you expect me to listen to you?"

"Guess what?" Lorelai smiled.

"Do have ADD??"

"If by ADD, you mean annoying daughter disorder, then yes."

"I'm annoying? You just destroyed all my homework in less than two seconds!"

"Okay, okay, sorry. Now would you just guess?"

"I already did."

"Those were not guesses."

"Mom, I'm only going to say this nicely once. If you don't tell me what you wanted to tell me right now, I will kick you out."

"Jeez, someone's in a bad mood. Not only did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you fell off and tumbled down the stairs."

"Mom." Rory said impatiently. There was only so much a person could take.

"What?" She sighed. "Oh, fine. I'll tell you. Man, you'd think someone that was smart enough to go to Chilton could answer a simple question."

"Ok, nothing is simple with you mom. There could be over a thousand answers for 'guess what' and I'm not in the guessing kind of mood. So spill!"

"Okay, I was just told by Liz, that tomorrow is Luke's birthday."

"Luke has a birthday?"

"Yes! Luke has a birthday! He's human…I think."

"Well, it's just that out of all the years we've know him, we've never known about his birthday? It just sounds too weird. Luke and birthdays don't mix."

"Well, they're going to have to, because I'm planning a surprise party for him. Liz already okayed it. Sookie's going to make some party food, you're going to set up decorations, and the whole town is going to be there."

"Hey! When did I agree to take part in this?"

"Don't you remember? It was somewhere after the part where you said I was the greatest mother in the world, and before the part where you said how grateful you were to me for giving you life, and everything."

"Funny, I don't recall ever having a conversation like that."

"Hmmm…it might be shot term memory loss. I hear a lot of people have that. But it's okay, I love you anyways, and I'm so happy you agreed to help."

"Mom, I really can….."

"Can! You really can, so get to work!"

"No, mom, I…"

"Would love to go grocery shopping as well? Oh Rory, your so sweet. Key's are on the table." Lorelai stood up of the bed and proceeded to leave the bedroom. Rory tried to protest yet again.

"Mom! Stop! I can't, I won't, and we're done with this conversation!!!!" She slammed her door hut after Lorelai left.

"Oh Rory??" Lorelai asked through the door.

Rory sighed. "What now?"

"You're grounded."

"What??!!"

"Yeah, well, you refused to do something I asked you to, therefore your grounded for the next week."

Rory opened her door again. "What? Okay, mom, you so do not get this whole grounding thing. I only disagreed because I have schoolwork to finish. Plus, we both know that your only doing this to annoy Luke so why should I have to be mean as well. I like Luke. He's nice. Your not! So you can't ground me! I'm the one being mature here."

"Okay, so I won't ground you. But your still participating in this."

"I just told you I couldn't."

"I know."

"So if your not going to ground me, what makes you think I'm going to."

"You'll see in about one hour."

"Why one hour?"

"That's about the time it will take me to post all those baby pictures of when your were learning how to potty train all over the town."

"You wouldn't."

"Watch me."

Not knowing if her mother was kidding, Rory chased after her. "Alright! Alright! I'll help!"

"Thanks so very much. Now, I must be on my way. I've got business to attend."

"Wait a second, what are you going to do? I didn't hear you name on that party planning list."

"That's because I have the most special job; I have to keep Luke out of the diner all day tomorrow."

"And how are you going to do that?"

Lorelai smiled evilly. "I have my ways…"


End file.
